Already Gone
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: The way I wish it was...


**PART 1**

It was over. Physically, Bree was still in her marriage. She had to be. Mentally, however, she'd already been gone for months. Looking back on the happy years she'd shared with Orson amidst the drama and heartache, she didn't regret the past, though it seemed different now. She had begun to realize that no matter how much they loved each other, this had been bound to happen at some point. There was so much water under the bridge that it was now impossible to cross over to the other side.

She hadn't wanted it to end this way. She hadn't wanted it to come down to this, both their hearts breaking. It was unavoidable at this point. It seemed that no matter what they did, or how hard they tried or fought to be together, there was always another obstacle. They always ended up hurting one another, sometimes without even realizing it. Bree looked at couples like Tom and Lynette, who had been through hell and back, almost literally, and were stronger than ever. She wanted it to be that way with Orson, but it just wasn't.

Things had been so right at the start. Their first kiss had made her feel the way she felt when she'd first kissed Rex. She'd known immediately that he was the one, and she thought she'd known Orson was, too. She'd been wrong. Part of her knew she still loved him, and probably always would. Unfortunately, that didn't mean they were meant to be. Not anymore. It just wasn't enough.

The expression on his face and the darkness of his eyes as she told him all of this made her heart break all over again. He'd known it was coming, but that didn't make it hurt any less, and for her, saying those things hadn't been any easier just because she knew she needed to say it. It wasn't easy to hurt the man she had vowed to love, honor, and cherish for the rest of her life. _Divorcee_ and _adulteress_ had never been words she thought she'd use to describe herself, but that's what all of this had led her to. She no longer liked who she was as Orson's wife, and she knew he'd be better without her, as well. He'd told her once that Orson Hodge was in danger of disappearing altogether because of her, and she wanted him to find himself. To be happy. He couldn't do that as long as he was tied to her.

Maybe it was a cop-out, but it wasn't as though she hadn't tried. She'd forgiven all of the lies he'd told in regards to his mother and Monique. She'd forgiven him for running over Mike. She'd worked so hard to try and make him happy, but only succeeded in making him miserable. She didn't want to do that anymore, and she wanted to be happy, as well. They no longer knew how to truly do that for one another. Sure, they could pretend. They could sweep everything under the rug and start over as if nothing were wrong. But deep down, both of them would always know what laid beneath the surface. They'd wind up hating each other. She didn't want that, especially when she could still remember the good things. It was better to end it now and keep the memories intact.

"I didn't want it to end like this.." she whispered softly as they sat together on the living room sofa, her hands in his, tears sliding down both of their cheeks.

"I never wanted it to end at all." he replied, brushing his thumb against the back of her hand.

"But it has to. We both know it does." she said, not able to look him in the eyes, knowing she'd burst into hysterical sobs.

"I'll always love you, Bree." he choked out, "I hope you know how much I did. How much I always will."

She nodded, the lump in her throat making speech difficult. "I do know," she finally managed to say, "We just have to love each other enough to let go.."

"I don't want to let go just yet…" he said, gently lifting her chin and kissing her goodbye. She felt no urge to pull away; their marriage had meant so much, and this was the only way to end it. Their tears ran down their cheeks and mixed together as they kissed for the very last time, arms wrapped around one another so tightly they could barely breathe. When the kiss finally broke, they still hadn't let go. She rested her head against his shoulder, and they closed their eyes. They remained this way for nearly an hour, neither one daring to speak, nor to move.

It was Orson who broke the silence, clearing his throat and releasing her from his hold. "I love you…enough to let you go," he said softly, more tears filling his eyes.

"I feel the same." Bree replied, her tears finally getting the better of her. She sobbed, though she knew this was how it had to be. This was the right thing for both of them. He held her one last time, until her sobs had died down, and kissed her cheek lovingly.

"Goodbye, Bree." he whispered, standing up and heading upstairs to pack his things.

"Goodbye, Orson." she replied, walking towards the front door. She couldn't be there while he still remained; she needed a different shoulder to cry on right now. At that moment, she realized that she hadn't been as gone as she thought she was. Part of her would always be with him, and he with her. He'd be gone when she returned, and her heart would break again, but in the long run, she knew they'd both find their way.

**PART** **2**

When Katherine opened her door to a disheartened and tearful Bree, she didn't even have to ask what was wrong. Bree had filled Katherine in on everything a few days before, and the newly married woman had been expecting this ever since. She hugged her best friend, pulling her into the house and giving Mike, who was sitting on the couch, a look that said, 'we need to talk alone right now'. He understood immediately and retreated upstairs to give the ladies their privacy.

"So it's over?" Katherine asked carefully after sitting Bree down on the couch. The redhead nodded, dabbing her eyes with the tissue Katherine had given her.

"It's for the best, really," Bree said with a sigh. "We were both becoming people we didn't like. It just…wasn't right anymore," she said sadly.

"Do you want it to be?" Katherine asked her, and Bree's eyes widened slightly.

"Of course I _want_ it to be, but…we can't make it something it's not. We've been drifting apart for a long time, Katherine. It just has to be this way."

Katherine nodded, "Maybe…if you really feel like it's the right thing for you." she rested her hand on Bree's.

"It is," the redhead responded.

"Well, if you ever start feeling otherwise, would you promise me something?" Bree nodded. "Promise you'll turn to _me_ and not a bottle of chardonnay."

Bree smiled softly through her tear-filled eyes, "I promise."

_x x x_

**Two months later...**

"Come on, babe, something's going on, and the sooner you tell me what it is, the sooner I can fix it," Karl pleaded with his girlfriend. The truth of their relationship had been out in the open for over a month now, and though everyone had now accepted it (even Susan), Bree honestly wasn't certain whether she wanted it anymore.

"I don't want to talk about it, Karl, alright?" she had been stonewalling for days, and he was getting more than a little frustrated.

"Don't tell me that, damn it, we're going to talk about it!" he raised his voice as he spoke.

"No we aren't!" Bree shouted back stubbornly.

"How can we have a relationship if you're not honest with me?" he shouted, pausing a moment to take in what he'd just said. "Would you listen to me? I sound like a woman!" he said incredulously.

"Well then perhaps we shouldn't _have_ a relationship!" Bree fired back.

Karl stared at her. "Are you serious?" he asked uncertainly.

Bree sighed and sat down on her living room chair. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that." she said softly.

He sat on the couch in silence for a few moments. "You're unhappy." he stated the obvious with a sigh, "Is it me? I know I'm not always quick to pick up on these things, but I thought we were doing okay…"

"We were, it's just...I'm not ready to move on yet, Karl. I...I thought I was, I thought this was what I wanted, but..." she shrugged, lost for words. "I've enjoyed being with you, and you were there for me through a very hard time in my life, but it's just...not what I wanted it to be. And…" she licked her lips, "And my divorce came through today." she sighed, and he nodded.

"I know…do you miss him?"

"No…yes. I-I don't know. That isn't the point, really, it's that I-"

"-You're not ready to get into a serious relationship again." he finished for her, and she nodded.

"I'm sorry. I know the whole 'it's not you, it's me' thing is a cliche, but…it's really true."

He exhaled deeply and stood up. "Well…for whatever it's worth, you are one amazing lady, Bree Van de Kamp."

She smiled softly, standing up as well. "You're pretty amazing too, Karl Mayer. I hope you find what you're looking for."

He kissed her cheek, "Likewise, babe." he gave her a wink and walked out.

Bree sighed and slumped back into her chair. This breakup had definitely been easier and far less emotional than her last, but she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself now. All she really had left was her work, and so she decided that was to be her focus for a while...unfortunately, it wasn't feeling quite as satisfying anymore…

_x x x_

**PART 3 **

**Ten months later…**

"Well, Mrs. Van de Kamp, it was a pleasure doing business with you." Mr. Dinsmore said with a smile.

"Likewise. I'm glad you were still interested in my company. I know it's in good hands now." Bree smiled back at the new owner of her business.

"I was surprised you called again. I thought you were enjoying your fame…you never did put out that second book, you know."

Bree chuckled politely, "Katherine and I are going to continue catering locally, but...well, let's just say I've discovered that there are more important things in life than being on a bestseller list."

"That there are, Mrs. Van de Kamp, that there are. You take care, now." he shook her hand.

"You too." She bid him farewell, and it was done. The business she'd put so much of her time and effort into was no longer hers, and surprisingly, she felt…_relief_. A year ago, she thought she'd want this business to be hers forever. She'd been so wrapped up in the thrill of her celebrity status that she'd forgotten why she'd even started it in the first place. She and Katherine had sat down for a long talk, and they both agreed it was high time to just go back to the basics: the two of them, working side by side as equal partners.

As she walked through her empty house, an unusual mixture of sadness and joy spread through her body. She was slightly sad that she was no longer the owner of a successful, thriving company, but she was happy to have found her way back to enjoying the simple things again. She was glad that she was free of long work weeks and constant pressure, but sad that she had no one to share her free time with now. She still thought of Orson every day, and though she knew he was probably much happier now, and though she knew she had made the right decision in letting him go...she missed him.

_x x x_

**Two months later…**

"Well if you weren't such a control freak, maybe we could actually get some work done..." Katherine teased her best friend, who laughed.

"Oh, _I'm_ the control freak, miss 'the batter has to be stirred clockwise or it won't taste right'?"

Katherine grinned smugly, "Yes, yes you are." It felt good to laugh like that again, and it only affirmed to Bree that selling her business had been the right thing to do. She and Katherine had grown even closer over the past two months, now that they could just relax and do what they loved.

"Alright, alright, I'll go to the store. Stop your complaining." Bree said, still laughing.

"Don't take too long!" Katherine teasingly called out after her.

As Bree pushed her cart through the aisles of the store, she became so engrossed in searching for the right items that she didn't even realize who was coming down the aisle on the opposite side. "Bree?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned her head, eyes wide. "Orson…" she said softly, a smile slowly spreading over her face. "What a lovely surprise."

"Likewise," he said, smiling back at her. "You look…great. Amazing." he complimented, wanting to tell her she was beautiful. Stunning. Breathtakingly gorgeous...but that wouldn't be appropriate.

"Thank you. So do you." she returned his kind words, surprised at the warmth she felt inside from seeing him after so long. "How, um…how are you?" she asked.

"Actually, I'm doing very well…I took a little page out of Tom's book and opened my own restaurant a few months ago. Not a pizzeria, of course, but…" he chuckled, "It's doing pretty well."

"That's wonderful." Bree said with a genuine smile.

"What about you?" he asked in return.

"Oh, well..I sold the business a couple of months ago. Katherine and I are just doing some local work now. That's actually why I'm here, I'm picking up some things.."

Orson arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "You really sold it? I'm glad you're happy, but I never thought you'd really sell..."

She smiled, "Well, it sort of had something to do with you."

Orson's eyes widened, "Me?" he asked in confusion. "But…we haven't spoken in fourteen months, how could it?"

"Well, everything that's happened made me realize…there are just more important things. Things money can't buy."

Orson nodded, "So…how are things with Karl?" he asked gingerly.

"Karl?" Bree furrowed her brow, "Oh, Karl and I have been broken up for a year now…" she explained. "Things just weren't...right between us."

He couldn't help but breathe a small sigh of relief at hearing that. "So you're still…"

"Single. Yes." she smiled, finishing his thought. "Are you? I mean, have you met anyone special?" she asked, curiously but politely.

"Oh, no, I haven't. I've gone on a few dates, but...well, they never amounted to anything." The truth was, no woman had ever come close to Bree, and he knew no woman ever would. He'd tried to move on, but every time he did, all he could think of was her. She'd truly spoiled him for any other woman, but strangely, he was alright with that.

"Oh..." was all Bree could think to say.

"Well, I was just thinking...if you're not busy tonight, you're more than welcome to come down to my restaurant. It would be on the house, of course. We could...catch up some more. Talk. I'd love to hear how Andrew, Danielle, and Benji are doing." he proposed the idea with a smile, though inside, his nerves were flailing.

"Really? Yes, I...I'd like that." she accepted, amazed at the lack of awkwardness between them. It was almost as if they'd never parted ways at all, and yet the space they'd put between them had changed them both profoundly.

"Eight o'clock, then?" he asked, his smile more confident now. "Oh, it's called..." he chuckled a bit sheepishly, "Chez Rouge."

Bree couldn't help but grin at the obvious nod to her in the chosen title of his restaurant. She'd heard of the place, but she hadn't realized he was the owner. It all made sense now. "Eight o'clock." she agreed. "Can I order duck a l'orange?"

Orson chuckled at the question, "You got it." They parted, and Bree finished her shopping, heading back home in something of a daze.

"What's with you?" Katherine asked when she saw Bree's expression.

"Nothing, I just...ran into someone at the store." she smiled, unpacking her bags.

"Would that someone happen to be a man?" Katherine asked with a chuckle.

"Actually, yes. It's…Orson."

Katherine's eyes widened. "Orson as in your ex-_husband_ Orson?" she asked in disbelief.

"How many other Orsons do you know?" Bree asked with a laugh.

Katherine couldn't do anything but stare at her. "Who _are_ you?" she asked after a few moments. "You just saw your ex-husband and you're acting like a giddy schoolgirl! It's not normal, Bree..."

The redhead rolled her eyes, "Katherine, it's been fourteen months. We've both changed a lot, and we have a lot to catch up on. We're having dinner tonight, in fact."

"WHAT?" Katherine couldn't help shouting in surprise. "What happened to 'we're better off without each other', and 'it's completely over'?"

Bree shrugged, "It's just dinner, Katherine. He wants to hear how the kids are doing, and how Benji's doing. He's entitled to that information, I think."

Katherine stared at her skeptically. "Well, I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Of course I do. He's opened his own restaurant, you know. That's where we're eating. Chez Rouge." she chuckled again at the name.

"Chez Rouge? Why didn't he just name it Chez Bree?" Katherine asked sarcastically.

"Because Bree is not a French name," the redhead retorted with a smirk.

"Are you sure? Because brie comes from France…"

Bree rolled her eyes. "I am not named after a cheese, thank you," but she smiled.

"Well you're certainly sounding cheesy enough to be," Katherine teased her with a chuckle. Bree threw a cracker at her. "Hey!" They both laughed. "Just...be careful, okay? I don't want to see you hurting again like you were a year ago." Katherine said in a more serious tone.

"I will be. It's just dinner." Bree reassured her with a smile, all the while knowing it was much more… 

_x x x_

Bree arrived at Orson's restaurant at 7:55 that evening, wearing her favorite black and white dress with a pair of black high-heeled sandals and a string of pearls, her fiery hair down in loose curls that cascaded over her shoulders. "Bree..." Orson greeted her at the door with a bright smile, his breath nearly taken away by how beautiful she was. No, not just beautiful. She was luminous. He'd nearly forgotten after so long.

"Hello, Orson." she smiled and kissed his cheek, and he led her to the best table in the house. "I told the chef we'd be having the duck a l'orange, it'll be here soon. I hope that's alright," he said, somewhat nervously, though he knew she loved that dish.

"Of course it's alright," she assured him with a smile. "So…you wanted to hear about the kids, right?" she asked kindly, and he nodded in response. "Well, Andrew and Alex are in the process of adopting a beautiful baby girl from Russia. Danielle and Leo are doing well, and so is Benji. He just started third grade, and he's in the top of his class." she smiled proudly.

"That's wonderful news." Orson said happily.

"Yes, everything's…everything's great, really. It's been good."

"So, leaving me was the best decision you ever made?" he decided to risk asking.

Bree looked at him, somewhat startled by the question. "What?" She didn't know how else to respond. "Well...in a way, I suppose...yes, it was," she continued carefully. "I don't mean that unkindly, Orson, please don't look at me like that." she said softly.

"I know you didn't. I just..." he sighed, "Damn it, I'm just going to say it. I still love you, Bree. I've made a name for myself again and I know I could live a good life and be happy enough without you, but I can't be _truly_ happy, because…you're still the one for me, Bree. I know we needed this time apart, and you were right about that, but I think we could be good for each other now. If there's any chance…don't we owe it to ourselves to find out?"

His speech left her speechless. It was everything she'd secretly hoped to hear, and in her heart, she felt that they'd been brought back together that day for a reason. Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe it would end in disaster again. But after all they'd been through, after fourteen months, a recently sold business and a newly created one, after the tears and heartbreak, the love still remained. Even if it didn't work out, she knew she'd end up kicking herself if they never even tried.

She said nothing. Instead, she rose to her feet and held out her hands, which he took. They walked to the center of the room, and though there was no dance floor, they began to sway to the background music.

"Bree, I-"

"Shh…" she smiled, gently pressing her forefinger to his lips. "I think there's been enough talking." And for the first time in fourteen months, her lips met his...and it felt like the _first _time. It would take time to rebuild what they once had, but as they shared that loving kiss, each of them knew that it could be done. They had both found themselves in those fourteen months, and now, they could finally find one another again.

**THE END.**


End file.
